R e v e l a t i o n: 03.14.2008

For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." But if instead of showing love among yourselves you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another." Gal 5:13-14

I overheard a conversation yesterday at lunch which began when a young woman noticed one of her co-workers looking downcast. She sat beside him at the lunch table and asked him if he wanted to discuss what was bothering him. He began to talk about the recent trouble he was having relating to his daughter, and it was obvious from his tone and his expression that this was a serious matter which was weighing heavily on him. He had barely begun to explain the essence of the problem when the young woman interrupted, exclaiming, "I know exactly what you mean! My daughter..." And just like that, the conversation shifted as she went on for several minutes describing her own situation. When she finally paused to take a bite of her meal, the man got up and walked away dejectedly. Without missing a beat, she turned to the next person at the table and continued talking about her daughter. I had a pretty strong reaction at the time. I remember thinking, "you don't care about his situation! You just wanted an excuse to start talking!"

It's easy to be critical of this young woman, but realistically, this kind of thing goes on all the time. I have done it to my wife and she has done it to me. I have seen pastors do it on many occasions. Few of us are immune. We are rarely listening; usually, we are just waiting impatiently for our turn to talk. We nod and agree in all the right places, but really we are pondering the next thing we are about to say.

It's a shame that so many of us are guilty of this offense, and it speaks volumes about how most people really feel about themselves and those around them. If you struggle with this as much as I do, then it ought to be very humbling when you realize just how difficult and rare it is to have a conversation with someone during which you are far more interested in what they are saying than what you are about to say. It's hard to clear our mind, offer our undivided attention and just listen.

If we dig deeper, we will discover that our egocentric conversations are just a symptom of a deeper problem, the most obvious and common of a whole litany of ways in which we fail to really love our neighbor. I could just as easily point to any of a long list of ways we fail to keep this commandment. I chose this one because it is so subtle and pervasive that for the most part, we've simply stopped noticing that we've stopped listening. I'm sure if you were to ask the young woman at the lunch table, she wouldn't have any idea that she had done anything wrong.

The next time you're speaking to someone, especially if they are hurting, make an effort to erase any thoughts of yourself. Instead, give them one hundred percent of your attention. Make a commitment to ensuring that they are able to get their point across, and don't worry about yours. It seems like such a small thing, but it will make a huge difference in not only how people perceive you, but how you perceive them.

You see, loving your neighbor is not like loving your spouse. It's not something you feel; it's something you do. It's the act of sacrificing your own needs and desires for the sake of someone else.

You can demonstrate that love in such a meaningful way by just listening.